leanakin: (manatee)
I got Black Kitty this collar with a little bell to warn the possums and birds that there's a predator in their midst. Not that I don't want her to have fun, I just don't want her to have too much fun and kill a rodent or a bird, which I would then have to clean up. But she thwarted me and learned how to walk without clanging her bell. I just saw her do it a minute ago. She walks without moving her head or neck, and very carefully avoids jostling the bell with her arm movements. It's the funniest thing.

I just did a search on "wedding favors for ides of march" and all I found was "worst wedding dates." Apparently, getting married on the Ides of March will bring bad luck. to that I say, pish posh! I'm glad I am not superstitious.
leanakin: (cher)
Today was a little better. I got some sleep last night-- tho I woke up right on time for Jimmy's insulin; i went back to sleep. It was the first full nights sleep I have had in 2 months. I didn't have any bad dreams, and I am pretty much at peace, albeit in mourning. I cleaned up some more of his things. I put his glucometer away. I decided to keep it. I took away all the towels he used to sleep on in his favorite spots. I put his syringes and lancets away. I had Mr. Tank put the cat carriers and litterbox back in the basement, then I cleaned up the floor. I can't believe how much of this house Jimmy had taken over, or yet how much of my life had been taken over by him. The pains I"d been having in my legs are gone now. I feel clearer in the head than I have in weeks. My soul feels heavy with grief but my body is beginning to recover.

Today we played frisbee in the park near our house. It was hot as hell, and I tired easily, but I had fun. I'm so glad I have something else to remember this weekend than ... that.

I talk to Jimmy. I don't know if he hears it, but it makes me feel better. Black Kitty knows his name too. I could be talking to her, and say something like, "Is that Jimmy's?" and her head would whip around to me. Poor thing. Is that bad? I am just trying to see if she remembers. I think she does. God, I feel like a psycho old cat lady!
leanakin: (stupid goat)
I came home tonight to find Black Kitty on the step landing with a square catnip toy in front of her. She hardly ever touches those toys unless they're new. I always get 2, one for each cat. I don't know whose this one was, but I like to think it was Jimmy's and that she misses him. Cause she sure did act indifferent toward him when he was alive.

I, too, am grappling with the loss of Jimmy. Intellectually, I am certain I did the right thing. But it is painful still. He was my boy. He slept right next to me every night. It was fun just looking at him, with his funny face and his "cleeves".

Mr Tank tried to cheer me up tonight. We went out to go bowling, but turned back cause it's too expensive on Saturday night (we are greedy w/bowling). Then we thought, video games? Are there any video games around here? He remembered chuck E cheese .. that place was a zoo. Got back in the car, him holding my hand, and trying to think of something else we could do (i claimed that my brain was mush and I wouldn't be much help), while I looked out the window and reminded myself that Jimmy isn't home right now.

So we came back home. That's when I found Kitty like that. I totally figured she wouldn't have a problem with Jimmy gone, but perhaps I was wrong. I think she was okay when he was just in the hospital, but maybe she figures this is different.

This is a sad day.

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leanakin

December 2013

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